hello i have moved! hahas finally. please go to http://fallen-gal.blogspot.com/! NEW blogg-:) <>
together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
This love has taken it toll on me
She said Good bye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say good bye anymore
fwaah preddi ben sang this song last night. hais too bad he didn't get in through the wild card.sighs. he looks soo appealing when he smiles! :) bahhs i have one word to say about the chem test today. CHEM=SUCKS yupps. i think i flunked it. sheesh lit was NO better kkaes. i had to like rush through my last few paragraphs. -sniffs. i think i'm having fever. shit. and my throat uis SORE! i have a sexxaye voice now! o.0 mummy won't let me eat anything but porridge! yucks i hate porridge. reminds me of-Colliods hahas. i was high today. yupps despite my sore throat and everything. hahas everyday seems to be high day. that's cos i'm taking things in my hands now. :) owells. manda says that she wants to call me and ask for 'tuition'. hahas let's see her tryy. although i have to sayy THAT person-points frantically at mum can be terribly bad tempered. and if it really did help, i wouldn't be groaning about chem now.
I'll fix these broken things
repair your broken wings
bahhs. i cannot fall sick! tomorrow's the dance and the captain ball match. urgh.. i need to get well now! hahas. the stage has been set up. saw phillip struggling to put up the pillars and microphones. sheesh muscle man! :/ i think that the deco is damn nice. and that we will rock tonight cos there is like a full dress rehersal. grace is sick too. i think we shall share the virus with everyone else. -_- ooh yeas i saw this preddi pants at the heeren the other day when i went out with manda! hahas and it was LIME GREEN in colour! pleasing to the eye. :) but its darn funkaye canns. it was like the kind that felt like lycra but was not lycra and felt like velvet but wasn't velvet! anywayys you get my point it was NICCE! :) hahas and me and manda went into the fitting room to tryy it on and i realise that- we both looked great in it! arghs the only thing is that it is seventy bucks. and..we were broke. hais. i shall drag my mummy here tomorrow. i really want it. :)
Kept playing with love like it was just a game
Pretending to fell the same
Then turn around and leave again
yeas can relax now. stretches leggies out on couch. fwaah. can see ben from my view here. prays he is not going to look up. hahas. sitting on the swing alone. sheesh what a loner. bahhs he looks bad in his uniform. sighs.
won_uoy_esol_annaw_t'nod
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
Every now I'm running out
This time I think I'm breaking up
Come on down, we'll take this town
Tonight before it turns to dust
fwaahs today i was high! yeapps! darn high. hahas laughy and so hyper. sheesh but now i'm tired. cos i have been MUGGIN! yupps-guai look. i have finished muggin my chem. i am PRO. beams. my mummy quizzed me and i could answer every question...well almost. -_- at least i think i could answer like 99.9% of the questions larhhs! and that's an accomplishment! ;) owells i am halfway through lit now. still can't get all those quotes right. i see many many quotes floating through my head....fwaaah. many quotes- 'civil hands make civil blood unclean.' shit. i think i am more worried for the lit test than the chem test. bahhs but that's cos i never really did study properly for lit-gazes anxiouly at randj. but i soo don't feel like muggin. sheesh. i just wanna fall asleepp. nodds head off into dream land but gets awaken by super scary dream of a blank essay answer script!:/ urghs. after tomorrow i will be free...yupps and its only one more day hahas read that grace, manda val , ben and kiewyuan? till the beeg dayy. hahas saw them setting up the stage today. johan came up to hug me when he saw me. damn cute worhhs. sigh. children are just so innocent. :) singapore idol tonight. wildcard. bahhs grace and manda are at the studio supporting those contestants. i could have gone. but i'm guai. want to stay at home to study chem. oh manns what is wrong with me??-touches forehead!
school was okk. i was high of course. and i wanted to die cos we had one and a half hours of LIT. slumps face on table. fwaah. not my cup of tea. hahas i keep having images of ions and covalent compound popping up in my head as i blogg. shit i think i have been studying too much. :) its not healthy. plus i had to do those stupid philo journal entries. the multiple ones that i owed her. hais i think she will be pissed with me. :/
hais rach, you ok? weren't yourself yet huh? its ok. take your time. i have faith that you will be back one day. :)
You change again
Turning like the wheels inside your head
bahhs ran home in the rain today. hais it has been raining these few days. shit i hope it doesn't rain on sat. please don't let it rain on sat. hais. it will ruin everything. ;(
Overdrive, I'm going life or death
Keep hanging by a thread
flyingfcuk. hahas. guess what happened today? some loser kid got his shoe stuck in the drain when i was at the interchange and then i had to be a kind girl and helped him to pick it up. hahas that was darn loser of him. he was soo embaressed. blushing. hahas i think that the shoe was probably three sixes too beeg. o.0 poor kid.
ooh yea. was loser today too. forgot to bring pencil case. hahas and ended up borrowing pens and highlighters from wanqin and meiying. sheesh thanks for lending me your pens kkaes? although i was fussy and kept changing the colours that i was using. :)
owells. idolcalls. better go now.
There's a lie, I think you'll find
It's locked inside of everyone
You and I get on with life
Pray we'll find a better one
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
damn cold. mave is acting wierd. hiding under tables and stuff. sheesh. :) i am worried for her. hahas caught her slamming the com just now. think she is under loads of stress.; well everyone is. unlocked my blog. maybe it means that i don't want to keep things to myself again. yupps everyone is free to read my blog! hahas :) there is nothing to hide from anyone anymore. no point.
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
I'll be there for you
When you need somebody
I'll be there for you
When you want someone who cares
When you're down and feeling blue
I'll be there for you
When you call me, i'll be there
fwaaah com studs now. i think my blog layout is screwed. yupps. shall change it soon. bahhs everyone is on mugger mode now. everyone is desperately mugging now. its like a whole different atmosphere. even me. sheesh i must must start on randj. shan't spend so much time on my dance already. need to study chem and randj. :/ fast. grrs. last night was pissifying. those two shit heads were there again. yupps. ben and kiewyuan. chased them awayy but they got in through the back door. -_- sighs. tried to lock the door but the lock is screwed up! hahas not loser kkaes. grace bought nice new skirt and tank. loved it. reall preddi. i got a new top too. and its cool. and alittle small...hahas. but i can fit in it kkaes? i can ! rahhs. i got glitter all over me yesterday canns? i hate it. all those shiny sparkly stuff just fell on my face and hands and legss...like EW. 0.o zucker. its fun. but someone had to come and spoil it all. ben gave me a conference talk last night. talked about her. told me what she was saying and thinking. and i realise that i do have a right. i don't have to listen to her all the time. i don't have to obey her. she's being too domineering. urgh. damn pissed. grace was pissed too, and so were manda and vivian. didn't want to talk to her anymore. so what if she doesn't turn up for the captain ball's match on sat? kiewyuan can join our team. well she will be the one forfeiting a gold anyway. :/ yupps. i am fed up with her already. i have taken the last straw. she doesn't have to decide my choices. hmphs.
grace was so darn sweet kkaes? she bought famous amos cookies. hahas i feel so satisfied. ate like 500g of the yummylicious cookies. yumms. :) hahas actually they were meant for her love but...hahas we finished them.
mum was darn nice yesterday. she was all cool when i told her about nicc.yupps. said that the dance was darn nice and that she was very proud of us. ahhs the pride. :)
well yeas. i'm soo happy today. i think that some people are so nice. i feel normal again. nothing can make me go down again...unless. well shan't think about it. hmms some stupid person left her mag on my table last night. and i'm claiming it mine! fweeh finder's keepers-sticks tongue out.
oohs can't wait for saturday. its like only two days awayy larh. counting down. can't wait to put on makeup and style my hair. whee its going to be so exciting.
stage is up tomorrow. bloody grand. and i can already feel the gold trophey in my hands! hahas
i wanna show you how good it will be
Never needed anyone the way i need you right now
You know you'll never be alone anymore
We can make it,together
It's gonna be all right
sighs. time passes so fast. i'm going awayy at the end of the year. probably to some wierd country like timbaktu or something. well that's cos my mummy has been taking travel brochures of wierd travel destinations. -_- winces.can't wait. at least i'll be having fun. and with my family too. yupps. can't wait. burrrr. its so darn cold under the blasting aircon now. hahas guess what i have been leaving pics of the mini i-pod all over the house. mum's bound to notice them. yupps and she'll get the hint. somedayy. hahas. wishful thinking on my part...:)
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
yeas. said that to her and for that moment. i really meant it. my heart went out to her. cos i knew that this was a time when she really needed us alot. when she really needed our shoulder to cryy on. she needed us to be there for her. she needed to be able to have us there to support her when she falls. and no matter what we will be there for her. you will always have a fren in me.that's what i saw. that's what she said and it touched my heart. i didn't know that i was loved by so many. even though i had hurt so many. i have people out there who actually care about me. :) i will never leave her when she is down. i don't want to take those who love me for granted again. i have been hurt. yeas everyone has in some way or another but failing is better than giving up. at least if hope was still there. there would be a day when i would be able to stand tall again. with those who care and those that i care for. :) i don't want to take that apology kkaes? it really wasn't your fault. its a whole party's decision if they have to hurt someone. its not yours. i never blamed you. it was just a part of it all...you will still have a place in my heart. i admit that there was a time when i couldn't face you. i didn't want to look you in the eye cos i thought that you were the one who had hurt me. i thought that you were the one who wanted to see me gone. but now i know that you were not. you never were. i just couldn't see it. but now i can. its been a long year. a tough long year. we started out as best frens. yupps. remember? the circle of four? hahas. i do. although many things have happened to break that circle. i will never forget those times when you cared. those times when you were concerned and spread your warmth to me. you have always been in my heart. actually i should be the one apologising. yupps i should be the one saying sorry for hurting you with all my lies. maybe that's why i got what i deserved. loneliness. yupps and during that period of time i had thinking to do. i thought about everything that happened and i realised that i couldn't just blame everyone or anyone for what has happened. life's like that.l i ahve forgotten. i have moved on. and if you want my help you will know where to find me cos i will never turn you awayy. those words- 'rmbr im always here if you need anything, however small'will be casted in my memory. cos they mean so much to me. just like you.
`rach:takkaire loads. i hope you be back to the high and cheerful rach soon. i know you're trying and on your way to free yourself from the nightmares. just take it easy kkaes? and remember that i will be there to listen to you if you need to talk. everyone still cares loads about you. and i promise that i will help you get high againn! you realise how quiet it has been without you in class? you realise that we are missing of one bubbly student who makes tons of noise in class? :) yeas that's you. we need you as much as you need us. so come back to us. we'll all waiting for you.
everyone has been hurt before
you have the courage to stand up againn
and that is what all matters.
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
whee! guess what? manda got us tickets to watch singapore idol live tomorrow? hahas should i go? fwaah.
------------`torn apart-----------------
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
i wish i could catch the falling rain
i wish i could grasp the time when the sun was bright
but i'll know that there's a future ahead
waiting for me to walk through that door..
bahhs. i have forgotten kkaes. about everything that happened. i actually DON"T want to remember larhs. so after yesterday's entry, i shan't sayy anything anymore. yupps well just leave me alonee. o.0 fwaah. last night was damn farny canns! i came down like darn early cos parents not in. then i went into the function room and changed into the black tank. sheesh and vivian was there. that nehneh didn't want to wear the razor-back one and she stole my lycra tee shirt! -glares at her. and made me wear that razor back one in the end. with my GREEN braa! urghs. anyways, everyone looked wonderful. it was just so right. :) good work larhs. hahas kiewyuan and ben were there too. pretending not to be watching but they WERE!! sneaky-eyed shitheads. fwaah. i think charlotte is soo cute! she gave me a beeg hug. AWW. love her. :) then vivian brought down like a hundred bags of juice cartons! yupps so we had to drink and drink and drink the whole bag of it till we were all soo BLOATED! bahhs felt like puking kkaes. plus they were all MANGO flavoured! so we had like drinking competition to see how much we could finish in like five mins! hahas i only managed to finish four packets! but that's alot already canns? :/ Ben finished nine! he won -_- sighs. oh yeas yong stlyed our hair last night. it lookd damn cute. was like super thin pleats tied up in an ultra high pony tail. yupps i know -BIMBO! with peenk rubberbands summore. :) but i think they are preddi.
was walking home today. then saw someone open the window of the clubhouse. was that stupid kiewyuan i think. he shouted 'CHERYL CHEAH!!' then slid his head back in and grinned at me like some idiot! :/ then he waited at the steps to jump up on me. DOTS. i was like all sweaty and tired and really wasn't in the mood for it. :/ oohs saw the other group's dance. i think they're not as good as us. seriously. but they are nice people. :)
hmph. i think that my class is complicated. yupps. hmms i dunno what everyone thinks. but i don't really think i care. as long as i have real frens. as long as i am not involved in anything complicating again. as long as they don't bother me and i don't have anything to do with them- i think i can manage to stay happy. yupps. its a blessing in disguise i guess. for me to learn how to start over..not to mention everything i have learnt about others.
everytime we meet, the picture is complete
grrs. sister stayyed home today.was sick. hais seems like everyonhe around me is like falling sick? takkaire kkaes people. get well soon. its a miracle i have nothing wrong with me yet. not even a runny nose.
i have been thinking. whyy do people bother so much about what others think of them? why do they let others perspectives get in the way? why can't they just stay happy and contented that they have a best fren to confide in? and that she has someone who believes that she is true. i would be contented. but i guess some people just get those other things get in the way.
everytime we touch, the feeling is too much
you can only hold on so long. read that somewhere. can't remember where. but i think that its true. afterall you can only hold on that much further before you can't take it anymore and you have to let it out. but i think that the important thing is to know how to get over things after you have let them out. you can't just continue to drift back into history and look at things in that light again. everyone's looking at the world in tinted-glasses. no one's glasses are totally clear. i bet even mother teressa's isn't. i guess it just means that in some way or another. everyone is bound to be influenced in their thoughts and actions to believe in something that may not be always true. but that's life isn't it. even now that i have a clearer picture of the whole event. i am still not going to try to explain what exactly happened. i am not going to bother. cos i know that it will only complicate things even further. i have learnt to keep my cool. :/
she's all i ever need, to fall in love agin. i knew it from the very start...she is the puzzle of my heart~
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
On a Monday i am waiting
Tuesday I am fading and by wednesday i can't sleep
Then the fall rings I hear you
And the darkness is a clear of you
it has come to rescue me
with you i falled too fast
I can't hardly catch my breath I hope it lasts
fwaah. truth is- i got NOTHING to say about today. yupps i really have NOTHING to say. you guys take me out of class and confront me like that for what? to rake up the past. sheesh. i know that what i did in the past was wrong. yes it was very bitchy and attention-seeking of me to tell everything you told me to gnia. i was being a bitch when i betrayed your trust and when i turned my back on you. yeas i was a bitch and i really regret it. you may not want to believe that i really do regret what i did..but its OK. mave said that as long as I have the will and the power to MOVE on, i can. o.0 and i believe that i do. yupps so why go around screaming at me just to tell me what happened months ago? i am dreadfully apologetic for the people who have twisted the facts and spread those horrible rumours about you and YES i will NEVER be able to feel like you do. but still...look back and think. did i even spread those rumours? was i even the one spreading all those false rumours? oh yes i am the ROOT of this all. its all MY fault right? is that what you wanted me to say? well yeas in a way and a beeg way, it was my fault. I was the one who betrayed YOU. however, i never got to those rumours. i know i can NEVER feel the way that you do. i will never know how horrible those rumours have affected you..i will NEVER know. and that's cos i have not been through it. i have my own set of problems to go through. and i can never see things from your point of view. but from my side of the story, this time...the rumours spreading in acsi and our school is NOT my fault. and i didn't cause anything to make it relapse again. you may think that i am shrinking responsibility...yeas you are welcome to think that. cos i have gotten over the two of you. i have FORGOTTEN about the past. at least i have made a considerable effort to. and by today...i thought that everything was put behind. i MOVED on but you had to dragg me back again today. for the last few days..it was the BEST days of my life. my entries were no longer depressing. i wasn't the sad girl who had to cryy any longer..but YOU had to bring back those memories that i had washed awayy. you had to drag me out of class and started screaming your fucking vulgarities at me. well i guess you would like it if i did that to you huh? its not MY FAULT if you are having a hard time moving on in life. its not my FAULT that you are unable to cope with the rumours...but you are blaming everything on me. yeas i guess it is because i played such a BEEG role by telling gnia all about your relationship. and you obviously assumed that i TWISTED the facts as well. you know something? you can hate me or even bear a grudge against me, but i DON'T care anymore. i have moved on. i have found new frens who are real. i have found frens who are willing to listen. i am starting over. but too bad you NEVER did realise yeas? and all the while you were only interested in dragging me back when i am already on the path to moving on. :/ mebee i may sound as if i am a bitch now. and i know that you will NOT like it cos i blogged. oh no you will probably have something to say about me as well. mabbe how much i am a sucky bitch who shrinks all responsibitlities? well like i said if you think so or even if the whole world thinks so, i will still be able to move on. if i were you, i won't bother much about those rumours. rumours- they are a part of growing up. everyone has had rumours spread about them before. i mean who hasn't? the problem is that you take these things and keep them inside so that they accumulate. yupps and you never learn to move on. you never learn to let things go. you say that i am the one wallowing in self-pity but what about YOU? have you even thought that maybe you were actually the one who is doing exactly what YOU THINK i am doing? you say that i am just ONE big fat lie to you. yeas, i don't deny that i am. cos i have lied to you and i have lied to others. that i don't deny and i did hurt people. loads of people with my lies. but in the end, it still hurt me most back. i was the one who was affected the most by my lies. i got a taste of my own medicine. that's why i have to start anew. that's why i have to learn to make new frens from scratch. no doubt it has been a hard time for all of us, but still we have to LET GO. the more you let those rumours bother you, the more you will get affected by them. you say that i indirectly CAUSED your 'death'. that you would have killed yourself because of what i told gnia. but did you realise that it's because you counldn't take things in the right light. you keep thinking that everything is the end of the world, but is it? no. i used to think that all hope was lost already, but now i don't. cos i know that this is only a passing phase. it will never last. you sayy that i have never been a fren to you. yeas. mebbe to you i never have been..but that can just fade awayy. :/ i don't appreciate you screaming at me like that today. i could have just walked awayy and not listen to you guys. cos you know what you were telling me is just raking up the past events. you tell me that this can never be forgotten or passed. but you know what? to me it has. cos i thought that you guys were back on your feet again. that you were taking things in a brighter light. never did i know that there would be another relapse. :/ shit. i know that i have to get these feelings out somehow. i know that you will probably hate me for blogging about this. but i just feel that i have to. its not a matter of me anymore or the rumours- its a matter of learning to move on.
everyone has her own problems and i know that you may have been concerned when you were interfering with mine but still. i don't really want you to be doing this. what happens between me and my mum is strictly family and i don't wish to have anyone butting their nose into my business. i admit that i have made her worried quite a few times but i'm sure that even YOU have too. yupps its just that sometimes i do need time on my own and yet she won't let me have it. so what am i to do? i make up excuses. everyone does. and later when she finds out i tell her where i have been. but still you don't know her. you don't know my mum. i know her best so you don't go around being so interested in my family relationships cos it does NOT concern you. :/ i know that i do get her worked up sometimes. but its been better nowadays. especially after that day when i went out on my own. yupps. i know that it will take a while more for us to fully understand each other but we're getting there. plus i do LOVE her very much. :)
yeas. so those fucking tears came for you yeas? saw you crying there. but mebbe you shouldn't have been the one cryying. afterall the person who has just been screamed at is ME and not YOU. i tried to hide my tears. i think no one noticed except mave. she's a fren. i love her. and despite what you think, nothing and noone will ever be able to hurt her. so yeas i was trying to cover up those silent tears. i tried to turn my face awayy. i tried but then i heard those words:crocodile tears yupps maybe everyone is against me right now. so you see you are not the only obne whom people look at differently. you are not the only one who is affected by all these. but do i wasnt to kill myself? do i want to break down and cut my wrist? or worse? take panadols? NO. that's cos i know that if i move on. everything will just be the same again. i am not affected...
mave gave me a hug afterthat. i couldn't bring myself to speak. she was being so nice to me when i felt that everyone had already left. yupps but her warm hand clutched mine and i felt that she was a fren it all depends on how you look at it. but i realise now that i needn't cry and that tears are only a sign of weakness. i should carry on with my life.
yupps so that's practically what i have in my chest the whole time on the wayy home. been typing for quite a long time. and my sister came back early today cos she has been diagnosed with the deadly 'FEVER'! yupps poor girl. hope she gets well soon..
everyone has to learn their lessons
its whether you have leanrt yours yet...
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
somebody notice me !
somebody notice?
i'm fading awayy here
i have not blogged for two days. miss typing. miss everything. sighs. so much has happened. yupps holis are OVER. and school life is back! all the troubles and memories and gossiping and exam stress- all back. shit. i can do this. :/ there are only six more weeks till i can afford to break down. SIX more weeks. i can make it through this battle. :/ fwaah. saturday was fun. had match agains the bs guys. bahhs they were damn rough kkaes? i got like blue-black all over my ass after the game larhs-glares at Matthew. hahas and then nicc's frens were there too. they joined our team. and SOME body was being damn bitch. shit. she was like 'oh im not a swimmer, i can't go in the sun..it will like totally SPOIL my complexion!- horrified gasp. i mean like if you don't wanna get in the sun right, then what is the point of comeing to play WATER captain's ball? sheesh. plus i can hardly stand to look at another TWO-PIECE american flag swimsuit! o.0 its just soo HER. nicc was being all apologetic for their behavoir and everything but still. urghhh.
then on sunday. terry and yongle came. yupps. for captain's ball match and they were pro! hahas that's cos they play VOLLEYBALL! but they were damn sick larhs. one of them put the ball in between his crotch worrhs! like EWW. and then asked us tp ghet it from him. -_- like we would be bothered right? nvm. anywayy they were quite nice larh. had nice game with them-girls against guys. the guys won..but..but that's cos they have like HEIGHT advantage over us! -looks at self and denies height challenge. :/ wateva.but the game was rough. like they sayy- No rules. loads of snatching and fouls...but it was fun. :) shit i can't believe that ben would do that-looks at grace. i think that she's not telling exactly what happened. she seems to just want to get us to listen. sighs. but owells..i talked to him last night and he said that nothing did happen. so i guess its all just made up by her? :/ yupps.
oh yeas. i just remembered something. hahas hmms lemme see..what's that i think i actually remember hurr? hahas owells shan't be mean.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIEW YUAN DARHLENG!!:)
see. i am soo nice.they bought him dog-tag and some wallet thingy from bilabong. damn. and i wanted to smash his face into the water. yupps had dance at like four today. budden me manda and grace ended up solving conflict for half the time. hais. its just so complicating. anyways. the manager came in and watched us dance. said we were pro-beams! :) and guess what? we were the grand finale canns? yupps and we were even getting like DRY ICE!!! superr cool effects!
nicc came today.l we went to the squash court-our fav place and talked. me, grace, nicc, manda, kiewyuan and ben. had fun time teasing kiewyuan. and i guess he got his birthday wish afterall.:) yupps. its still all wierd and everything now. especially the things between them. i can't say that i entirely approve of it myself. but still i have to give my support. sighs. things can get so tiresome sometimes.
i am confused. wat's up with val? whyy does she have to call like every minute of the day? is she insecure? whyy? i dunno. talked to her today and she told me that she didn't really like grace. dunno why. said that she was the one who couldn't get anything in the end. she would lose and its all cos of her. :/ i dunno. i guess its a battle for attention afterall. that's another reason why i don't agree of the 'matter'..cos it will cause conflict. o.0
anywayys i think 'zucker' is getting on like really well and yeas everything is just superb. its just our personal life and how we handle it. but that's another issue. argh! i have ACHING leg muscles-pointts at swollen toe and screams! :o damn i think its healing. at least it isn't so blue today.
CRAPP.
when you close your eyes tonight
deep in your heart
our love burns bright<3
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
"If you want to win friends,
make it a point to remember them.
If you remember my name,
you pay me a subtle compliment;
you indicate that I have made an impression on you.
Remember my name and you add to my feeling of importance."
fwaah nice quote from some benjamin franklin guy. i think he makes loads of sense. yupps. i dunno whyy but its like when i hve my fingers on the keyboard. i just don't feel like leaving them anymore. its like a sanctuary. like a place for me to escape from the real world. hais i never know what would have happened if i didn't have my blog. hahas i read through like all my previous entries and i realise that my blogg has been through with my loads of times. when i'm happy and when i'm down. it has never failed to be a form of soul-pouring for me. sheesh now i'm sounding soo sentimental and sensitive agin. yeas but its true. its like a diary that has been with me for eons. except this diary never ends. it unfolds the pages of my past right before my eyes and reminsds me about whatever that had happened in my life. it teaches me to learn from my mistakes, it has taught me to treasure those memories that i have. it has been something for me to confide in. :) i know most people think that confiding in a blog isn't that effective. cos they see it as something that you want to publicize and let everyone read your inner thoughts. but i feel that it is when you let others know how you are feeling that allow others to have a better insight into your life. it is much better than to keep everything to yourself.
this blog has been my friend in times of trouble and laughter. it has been my companion through these difficult times. whenever i am lonely, i turn to my blog. in other words, to me it is like the perfect friend that i never had. that's how much it really means to me. bahhs. ok now i hear someone tryying to invade into my sanctuary with her excuse of doing some homework on MY com! sighs whyy can't she just use her own lousy com? okie. BYEBYE!
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
Your: Happy eyes! Your cheerfull, bright and always
want to try something new. Your inquisitive and
quite lovable. You have many friends and will
succseed in life.
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
everytime i close my eyes
i see your face
and when i wake up in my bed
there you will be
right next to me..:)
GRR! i am in a bad mood now. yupps BAD mood. getit? go awayy! dunno what's wrong with me larh. i think i got out from the wrong side of the bed this morning. anywayys i couldn't find my bolster when i woke up and i had to waste like ten mins of my precious sleep time looking for it! then i coudn't sleep again after that! urgh. i can't sleep without the smell of my bolster. bahhs. then i found that my sister was the one who STOLE it from me! -glares at her. sheesh. anyway i am justy in a bad mood. yesterdayy was crazy. yupps. singapore idol is boring. hais. i think that the nana person and the beverly person should have got in. can't stand the look of that malay guy's face. so DAO. and i can't believe that he got in. like EW. hahahahas BEN is in the wildcard. that means we get to see him one more time singing! woots!
i am counting down our holidays. dun want it to be over. :/ last night i was soo bored after singapore idol. went down to walk around the pool. yupps and guess who i saw. hahas. val was there and vivian was there. hais. we sat on the pool bar and started talking loads. fwaa i think we were damn high cos we started talking about the craziest things! ;) like what we all wanted to be when we grew up! hahas and we all decided that we were going to marry some rich prince or king and live like royalties. having people to wait on us! :) and we came up with some vey good roles for our 'servants'! Ben-personal entertainer with his very impeccable impersonation of donald duck. kiew yuan-homework doer. his vast knowledge and hardworkingness can help complete the children's homework efficiently! jonathan- personal table tennis trainer for the kids. yupps being in the school team and everything, he is bound to be good? :/ cheryl ang- private singer(sing to the plants in our five hectare garden to ensure their healthy growth. in otherwords the gardener!) nicc-ballet dancer. hahas she can just stand in her chicken position the whole day and see how long she can tolerate the pain for. :) tarzan- my pet monkey! very amusing for the family! Valerie- dramamama! can help me with the kitchen chores! vivian- ermms she can be my personal chambermaid! and she is NOT allowed to smack my ass! :) grace-hahas my secretary! i will give her a preddi telephone to answer and make her own calls! jerri- the perverted chef! yupps. edmund- the basement caretaker! hahas and he shall watch his porn movies in the basement too. :/ kiew ray- my soldier aka security guard! and victoria- my housecleaner.
hahas yupps that's my list of job allocation. fwee. and i shall live in a preddi beeg palace with all the luxuries in the world! :) although money isn't everything in life.): but i was high last night you see..
yeas theres dance tonight and the billy goat said that we should just call ourselves the 'zuckers' which means sugar in either swiss or german. i dunno. but he think that its a good name. 0.o i mean what kind of dance group will call themselves the 'zuckers' -hides and runs awayy. we will just DIE if we were introduced by that name. -_-
and in that big big palace, i will have the most beautiful furniture in the world
and i will have a personal jacuzzi
and a gym inside my house..not to mention a few other luxuries
like a whole room of clothes!
there is no harm in dreaming...
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
I bet you want the goodies.
Bet you thought about it.
Got you all hot and bothered.
Mayb' cuz I talk about it.
Lookin for the goodies
Keep on lookin' cuz they stay in the jar :)
hahas i am in LOVE with that songg. fwaah.l i am soo bored now kkaes. i believe that you really CAN die of boredom. sighs. i just can't be bothered to move my ass awayy from my comfy green chair to take out my chem books. ;) i know i should be studying instead of slacking my ass off..but? :/ hahas wateva. sheesh time passes so slowly when you are bored. beeg YAWNS. yesterdayy was funn! hahas. went out like super early to watch some people playy volley ball at the beach. hahas. it was darn hot and i got all sticky putting the sun block that she gave us. i think it was meant for KIDS- shakes head knowingly. 0_o but who cares? got buried in the sand by some loserfied ass. sighs. ok den rushed home cos mum was getting all moody about me going out so early in the morning and everything. yupps went to collect the rs stuff from angel. hahas and waited like eons for her larhhs. she came like so early worhhs! grrs. nevermind. anywayy went to the library after that and instead of reading books (which is what normal people usually did in the library) we went to satrbucks and bought like four cups of frappucino. hahas anywayy bribery does not count val!
so came back at arounf four plus. went down to the playground with grace. sat on swing and swung as high as we could. damn funn. we were screaming our heads off. and i was freaked out cos the swing was like creaking under GRACE'S weight and not mine! :) hahas. den bryan was there too. went scootering on his sccoter around the pool. saw jon and brandon swimming. theyy started throwing some red berries at us and we ran awayy from them. IMMATURE creeps. :/
had dinner and went down to the function room at eight for dance prac. yupps. and guess who was there? edmund! hahas and yes jerri. -hides face and screams. we had to do the dance in front of them larh. kuey yuan was like being extra and sat inside giving us 'constructive' comments on our dance. bahhs. had loads of fun. and i realise that i cannot bring my butt over grace's head. hahas. and i can't jump over her back. -_- but anywayy. it went quite well. except for val who was constantly reminding us of how hot she was feeling and her HEADACHE. i mean like gimme a break! :/ kueyyuan looked disgusted. well can't blame him can you? den there was this uglee dogg who came in. urgh. its name is sparky or something. and everyone got so excited over it. petting and drooling. eww. andden theyy chased me. with their hands full of dog drool. but i got awayy. pheww. ;)
yeas didn't see nicc the whole of yesterdayy though. i think she got our message. yupps. or mebbe she just wanted to spend some time alone with *ahem*.
No you can't call me later
And I don't want your number.
I'm not changin' stories
Just respect the play I'm callin'.
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
who is that girl that i see
staring straight
back at me..
when will my reflection show
who i am inside?
DOTS. just came back from watching garfield with grace and cheryl. had loads of darn fun avoiding SOME people todayy. yupps. i dunno how it turned out this wayy. one moment we were like the best of friends and the next we are like running awayy from her.-_- will life ever stop being so complicated? shit grace spilt popcorn all over her white shirt! now its got like a really uglee puke like yellow stain and it smells- of popcorn! sheesh and i got popcorn in my shoes as well. fwaah we rock assholes! garfield is sooo cute worhs! yupps he is just soo adorable! no wonder ben likes garfield-points at him and laughs! :) wore matching outfits with grace todayy. and saww that creepy edmund. darn whereever we are around we have to see him. RUNS awayy fast. too late. he caught up with us. bahhs. asked us where we were going. daod him but he was so damn persistent. -shivers. :/ said that me and grace were wearing like qing nu zhuang! like thats not HIS business right! shoos him away. andden some people just had to call like a ZILLION times larh. asking us where we were. ignored her. yupps. ran out of the cinema in case we had to bump into her. 0.0 since when did we stoop so low.. went shopping. saww those preddi bracelets and rings. but didn't have enough money to buyy them- is NOT a losers kkaes. still we bought preddi bracelets, one for each of us without HER. hahas damn mean i know.
eight oclock. wen down like chao early to set up the equipment in the function room. yupps ben and kuey yuan were having tuition inside. shush and we kept reall quiet-crosses fingers -_-
i think our dance is rocks larhh! damn cool! fwee even that billy goat said so. jiayou canns? i love you guyys. must dance well on the eighteenth! `heartbreakers! hahas. i HATE the function room floor. took off our shoes and danced there. it was all sticky and felt slimey. like EWW! bleh..den had like dirt stuck all over my feet after that. practiced till ten. i think we improved like loads! keep it up. :)
yeas i think that radiation is nice song lorhs. -looks and pinches vivian on her face. if you dare to smack my ass one more time you are dead meat! okey. BYEBYE world!
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
i'll be there for you
wherever you go
whatever you do
girl i've got forever inside
for all of my life
i'll be there for you
hahas nice nice song. i think grace can dance like a trusk can flyy! hahahas NO offence. fwee and val rocks larh! yupps she is my hao tu di! hahas. todayy was..ermms..complicated? i am pissed at someone. dunno whyy but its just not right for her to do that. :/ sheesh. i'm not sayying who yeas grace? but we know.l nicc todayy was like damn dao. hais dunno what's wrong with her. :/ den as usual ben came down in his stinkaye green shirt! fwahh i dun think he even washes it lorhs! like everydayy he wears the same shirt. :) playyed tabletennis with jonathan for like five mins. yupps and we proded people won him like 10:0! hahas and he's like what? school tabble tennis team player yeas? hahas but we got our wayys of winning. i can't wait for the 18th of september. just know that its gonna be wonderful. sighs. and the gold trophy is soo close yeas! hahas anacondas rawk! at least i think theyy do..
i feel accomplished! finished all my homework and making notes for chem canns? damn mugger larh. cos my mummy was like-if you don't finish your work you cannot fucking go out! hahas yupps. so duh i finish like EVERYTHING in a dayy! and now i feel accomplished-beams. :) oooh i heard that loads of people were going for the psl interview! hahas like izza, joanne, and ..jirui! hahas hope theyy can get in larhh. i think theyy will make good psls! ;) good luck kkaes!
standing in the dark
walking all alone
but one dayy
my heart will
bring me home..
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
looking back at the things i've done
i was trying to be someone
playing my part
kept you in the dark
now let me show you
the shape of my heart
fwaa let me tell you what happened yesterday. yupps. it was damn funny larh. hahas. so it was like me nicc and grace went down for water captain's ball. and ben was there like super early- waiting for us. blehh but still in his uglee jeans. yupps so nicc's classmates were there and we had like friendly match against them! woots and we WON! yupps we are soo pro-beeg grin at grace! :) after that we were like swimming in the 1.5m pool and i had to tiptoe all the wayy. aighs i am so NOT short larhs. so i had to use like ben as my float. and we three were clinging onto him in the pool. hahas damn funny. den jerri the bastard came over and splashed the chlorine water into our face! urgh! we were disguested kkaes :/ anywayy we are having free movie tix! right ben? and free lunch and free popcorn! hahas NO pressure! :) yupps we're gonna watch garfield tomorrow. hahas. that fat orangge cat-emphasis on faaaat! yupps them at night we went down for dance. hahas and kuey yuan was standing there with ben whispering awayy. those two losers yeas? hahas. too bad some people was grounded. sheesh. anywayy we stil had fun canns? and val was darn funny. jumping around like monkey! :) oh yupps ben and kueyyuan were like refusing to move awayy. they insisted on watching us dance larh. MALU! :) fwaah but theyy bought us icecream..so..hahas. ermms ben i know you have been sneaking in here yeas? so nicc, grace and i wanna ask you to just GET AWAYY! hahas cos this is a darn private blogg! :) yupps. remember the ten bucks you owe us for the smoothie! :)
you bring out the best in me
like no one else can do
that's whyy i'm by your side
that's whyy i love you..
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
don't want to lose you now
i know we cann win this
don't want to lose you now
or ever againn :)
ermms just wanted to sayy. ignore the previous entry. i guess i was too pissed. yupps and no one was there at that time so yeas. just ignore it. i understand now. daddy explained to me. hais sometimes he makes loads of sense to me. like just now. i felt as though i could relate to him. but there are also times when i feel like he is alwayys against me. sheesh this is complicating. anywayy i understand now. :)
bahhs studying geog now. yupps damn guai kkaes! hahas wonder how's nicc and ben's movie going. she called last night and so did he. asked me what i thought they should do next. sighs. they are such DUMB people-kidding. fwaah. nicc is sick and yet she still go to watch movie. DOTS. she is so...obsessed with donald ducks. looks at grace and hits the pool bar :) yeas. its darn sunny today. swam for like two hours and came back cos someone was screaming at me' you tomolo got test still dun wan to study is it?' hahas. yeas so i was FORCED to get out from the pool. todayy was just so..BORING. yupps i practically slept after i finished my history paper. hahas couldn't keep those eyes open.
manns i was listening to songs in the shower! and my discman got WET! is NOT loser.
its not that i can't live without you
its just that i don't even wanna tryy
everynight i dream about you
every since the dayy you said goodbye
if i wasn't such a fool
right now i would be holding you
there's nothing that i wouldn't do
`baby if i only knew..
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
Why must you scream at me? whyy must you make everyone cryy? whyy? noone could finish the meal. i couldn't. i couldn't bear to look at anyone. i tried to make my comments, reason things out with you but you won't listen. you just asked me to keep my mouth shut. ask me to suddup and leave the room. i dunno. i dun wanna care. that's why i'm in here. confiding in this stupid blog. but what can it do? it can't help me solve the problem, it can't help me do anything at all! urgh i am so FED up already. i thought everything was going to be all right. i thought i would never cryy againn. whay did you have to make me cryy? why did you have to spoil my day? i don't hate you but sometimes i feel like you just don't want me there. i dunno but i can't do anything about it. when i tryy to tell you what i think, what i want..you kick up a beeg fuss and everything is ruined. then you ask me to gett out. like where can i go? i dunno. i'll just leave y comments to myself. i'll just cryy to my blogg. shit i think it will goo awayy soon. i hope it will not last...
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
but theyy don't know me
do theyy even know YOU
bahhs com studs now. SOME people had to come soo darn early yeas? last night was damnn funnny! hahas grace called me like earlyy this morning! fwaa and she told me that she saw ben walking on his window pane at around midnight! DOTS. and she woke me up and we were tryying to get him back into the balcony! bahhs he soo loser kkaes. then we were soo freaked out larh cos he might slipp anytime and just fall or something. like splat? hahas. oh yupps nicc sayys we should get tshirts. i think its gonna be preddi! yupps so we going to someone's house to tryy her brownies and to design the tshirt later on. blehh edmund better not be around. he creeps me and grace out. :/
larhlarh. someone's asking us to make our own portfolio thingy. hais. i studies chem! -looks guai. i can remember the ion charges. spent like the whole of last night during amazing race studying in front of the tv and still managed to get something inside my brain. oh yeas. we got a free tennis coach! hahas yupps i am going to be pro at tennis. well at least after i actually LEARN how to hit the ball properly first. :)
read through my blogg again last night and i found that the past like three entries or something were like unusually cheerful againn... yeas. so i would like to thank all those who have helped in some wayy to put that smile back on my face. `loveyaguyys-
everyone has the ability
to lift off and flyy
everyone has the capability
to make a DIFFERENCE in this world
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
hahas! guess what?
NICOLE likes BENJAMINN
yupps can you believe it? hahahahahas hear that grace? she does like that donald duck! fwaa. i am soo amused kkaes! todayy was damn funn! cousin came like darn early in the morning and woke me up. yupps and i was like damn drowsy larh. hahas. its soo funny. we went down to the parkk..den jon was at his window. he shouted to us and we shouted back to him to come down larhh. hahas mich said that it was soo romeo and juliet?! -pukes. well watever. so we hanged around and talked for a while. bahhs. den met nicole and her cuttee sister noelle! yupps she is soo preddi! yupps and ben asked us to like swim with him larhh so we were like ok. hahas and nicole blushed?! she pulled us aside and told us that she like him larhh! hahas damn funny. but she didn't want him to know. :) so we helped her out anywayy. hahas. after the swim- we made sure nicole went already- we cornered him. yupps and we questioned him! larhlarh. and he was damn scared of us kkaes. he was like get awayy from me larh..i dunno anything. bahhs- and he used like his stupid sandals to shield himself? DOTS. grace was superr fierce canns? she was like 'do you know nicc really likes you?' hahas i think we scared the shit out of him. hahas den he was like 'hais you guys are giving me added pressure that i don't need...' fwahh den he ran awayy. that's not the end of things. hahas he came knocking on my door! like watever? and he told me that even though nicc was a nice girl, he would not want to go out with her! like wadda-smacks head. damn i think she's going to be soo heart broken. sheesh and its all donal duck's fault! GO AWAYY!
mann i have been like swimming everydayy? if i dun get blacker it would be a miracle..:/
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
i can make it through the rain..:)
bahhs i just realise that i hjave not blogged for like what? two dayys? yupps not been online for like forever. hais that's cos i'm like too bust and lazy! :) hahas oh yupps teachers day. i shan't talk about the usual stuff about the concert and everything since everyone will probably go on a detailed description about that..bahhs anywayy went back to pri school. yupps fond memories rushed back. i love my pri school. and guess wat? mrs ng is pregnant again! hahas :) heyys. and i saw like shannon, cael aka zara, nadia, sam, huanglin, amelia, suyee, BB, celestine...practically the whole class of TA was there! hais i love my ex class mates. theyy neverr change. bahhs. shannon is still as funny as ever. hahas we ganged up agains camel and stole her waterbottle..just like we used to two years agoo. :) yupps i love them. we sat around and chatted for a while. i realised thatr even though they all looked different- they were still the same at heart. sheesh..i am getting all sentimental. fwee. we went tp parkwayy and den had like a beeg argument on where to have our lunch at. hahas sam was protesting agains kfc cos she said the chickens were brutally killed there..like WATEVA. :) hahas den we did go to KFC just to spite her. -is NOT mean. and we had a great time. even sam ended up eating chicken! hahas. den we hid zara's mashed potato. yupps under my butt! hahas and she's like so damn SLOW canns. took like one hour to find that her potato was missing larh. den she got all depressed cos i told her that i farted on her potato! ;) hahas we never change.
den we gallevented around parkwayy. saww preddi things brought back nice fond memories. hais. i wish i could turn back time. yupps den we went to the basketball courts. yupps and we like sort of fooled around there for a while. we talked- had confession time. i realised that i was not the only one with problems. that everyone was facing different problems in their life. theyy get the feeling that i get too sometimes- the feeling of nopt coming to school and just dying there and then. i thought i was aloone. i thought that the backstabbbing was only done to me. i never knew that there were so many others out there who were feeling it too. i know it hurts. `takkair zara-
yupps primary school dayys were the best. we talked about how we used to play catching, how we used to go parkwayy just to buy those soft toys from isetan. yupps those happy dayys. we all agreed that we should help invent like a superr time machine so that we could all turn back time..and that every moment can last forever..:)
went to coffee bean later and we had nice frappocino! i love BB! she treated me! hahas she is so damn nice! den when we finally had to leave, we started cryying. cos we knew that this time might be the last time we see each other for the next yr. we didn't want to leacve..
bahhs but i guess all good things must come to an end. and guess what. i realised that i have true frens out there- who will stand byy me no matter what happens- you only have to learn to treasure them. ;)
i wish i had the power
to hold on to every special moment
that has happened to me
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
she believed in me
i will never know whyy...
fwaah i think i am turning darker-looks down at skin. bahhs and its all cos of the hours of swimming and playing water captain's ball. hais. :/ my stupid condo has this like get-together thing where they make it like compulsary for teens like thirteen to eighteen to come down to the pool every weekend and like practice water captain's ball. hahahahas. then theyy get like other school team to come and playy with us. yupps and we are soo going to playy against some st. antony's people next week. :) anywayy its like i put sunblock but its no use larh. hais. watever. then some people are just so huge that theyy can just stand in front of grace and i and the ball won't even have a SINGLE chance to get to us. :/ blehh. fish them. ooooh grace! i think nicole is darn nice. hahas.
school was ok todayy. love all my friends. love climbing rockwalls and love sewing machines :/ nehneh at least i can seww better than cat right? owells. just read someone's blogg. i never realise how the change of events have affected her. i never knew that theyy had neglected her feelings. even i overlooked the fact that she was meant to be there. it is not your fault that made them drift you awayy from the threesome. i didn't know that it would have affected you- and that you would be soo sadd. :( i'm sorry but i didn't notice... i guess they didn't either. theyy never talked much about you. theyy never bothered much about whatt you did, so i guess that its their fault and not yours if theyy choose to exclude you. its all part of life. just cheerup kkaes. and remember that if you even need someone to talkk to..you can alwayys come to me. i KNOW that feeling...:)
phew. i am soo relieved that everything is alright now. yupps i am damn happy for her if she really has come to her senses. everyone has changed. we might not have been as happy as we were at the begginning of the year but we have certainly learnt loads more thing this year. everyone has learnt it-and usually its the hard wayy. but we all will come to our senses one dayy...:)
if you spread your wings
and tryy to flyy-
there is NO wayy
that you will fall//
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
when the stars are in her eyes
when the sun is in her smile
the only moment in a life
that happens in the same time
is when a women loves a man
fwahh! went to east coast park todayy! yupps it was damn hott. literally. i was superr tired in the morning-points at eyebaggs! bahhs yupps but after playing like the 'energizer' games at the beach i was feeling better. i think. anyway my patrol members are really very nice. hahas especially that kokk felicia! we had this huge sandcatle building competition larhs. den we actually built the SEVEN wonders minus one wonders of the world! are we pro or what? anywayy i still think that our pyramid was like the preddiet of all. hais had fun playing with the sand. reminded me of my childhood. reminded me of the time when i used to come here...hahas but that was years ago. hahas anywayy sau did like a good job building the 'great wall'. bahhs. i drew a heart in the sand- a broken heart. and the waves came and washed it awayy again and againn. but i just keptr drawing it over and over againn. felicia is soo sweet. :) she came over and hugged me. den she said that she would mend that broken heart. she actually took a stick and drew a heart-unbroken one. hais. she's darn nice.
i am feeling so tored now! my leggs are all soo sandy. hahahahahas. can't be bothered to move out to the toilet to wash my leggies. never mind just let the sand fall down down down...
there's still like fifteen minutes before i am going down to meet grace! that loser! `flyyyyy-
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
‘Cause the girl in my mirror
Is cryin’ tonight
And there’s nothing I can tell her
To make her feel alright...
yupps no more of cryying to myself anymore. things are finally back to normal. although i am not standing with the same friends as which i started off my year with, i can feel more warmth and happiness with those that i stand around todayy. :) friends- they come and go. people-they move endlessly. i am gladd and happy that we can all lead our normal carefree lives aginn. this period of time has been hard..for some of us. but i see it as a lesson, a fall.. for us to learn from. for us to change. sometimes nothing gets better until you change. bahhs. those tears won't fall anymore. what lies ahead are happy dayys and memories. thankyou to everyone who has helped us see it through. who have helped guide us in one wayy or another. even if you have hurt me, even if you have discriminated me- i thank you for giving me this chance to realise and learn more about the world and the people around us. if you are able to see it through, that life is precious, nothing can stand in your wayy..:) yupps your family are the ones whom you should tresure. though there mayy be times when you might feel like murdering them, they are still the ones who will stayy with you till your dying dayy. without my family..i would have never been able to make it through.
thought of a preddi quote today:'the future holds nothing but surprises for all of us. :)' i agree. you will never know what is gonna happen till you really experience it for yourself. take everyfall in life as another learning experience. the scars are healing...
hahas yupps so i was happy today! had darn loads of fun with those people who actually really cared for me. i can tell now that i have lost so manny... those who believed in me. those who never gave up faith in me- i thank you. <3
went for basketball match todayy! hahas ponned assembly kkaes! damn pai ;/ fwaa but you know what we won larh!! hahas that denise was like so hyper todayy! jumping up and down till her voice was hoarse. loser cat went with me too..;) i think that the bballers are damn zai..they can really shoot from like- measures five metres awayy- more than that farr kkaes. and the ball still goes like 'swwosh' into the net! bahhs although the score was super close, we thought we were going to lose canns? till the last quarter then theyy started scoring like siao! :)
yupps so the first ever relatively happy cheryl entry! i want everydayy to be like todayy...:)
So dry your tears and rest assured
Love’ll find your heart deeper
When she’s looking back at me
I know nothin’ really works that easily
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
how do you mend
this broken heart?
how do you stopp the rain from falling down?
how can you stopp the sun from shining?
what makes the world goo round?
yupps thanks for the talk. i hope you get well soon. hope you will be able to stopp this cutting stuff and don't hurt yourself anymore. i could do it so can you. i have learnt that not only friends are important..but my family is too. treasure the ones closest to you...:) you don't have to sayy sorry. i don't blame anyone anymore. its all part of life. the challenges, the falling..you will have to take it. those scars will heal in time. they will. as long as you have the strength to carry on, nothing is impossible. life is all about facing challenges, one down and there are always a few more to go. i hate to see someone fall and get stuck in between one. i hate to see those times when you were only obsessed with hurting yourself. you have people who care for you..and so do i. friends.don't alwayys assume that they are the ones whom you go out with everytime, whom you share gossip and secrets with. they can turn out to not be your true frens. those that are true mayy be someone you never notice all along. until one dayy when you fall, they turn back and help pick you up. these are the people whom you know that really care from the bottom of their hearts. there is no use in brroding over the things that have passed. its all history. everyone must move on, or else we will get left behind. i want to be the one moving..:) so takkaire and stayy strong. i will learn how to open up one dayy. i am learning to. sometimes it takes falls for you to see your weak points. it is all a matter of lessons. sometimes we can learn it the hard wayy...
*you are never alone..there will alwayys be people out there for you. stand tall...:) `ilyloads.
but only love can sayy
tryy again or walk awayy
but i believe
for you and me
the sun will shine onedayy
so i'll just playy my part
prayy you'll have a change of heart
but i can't make you see it through
that's something only love
can do....
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
is this masquarade finally over?
can we put down
the roles that we've played?
i'm scared. yupps i am. i dunno who told. i just am scared. whyy? what would theyy do? i know its none of my business anymore. yupps that's true..:/ i got scared the moment she called her name. i had the feeling that something was gonna happen. i dunno..but it wasn't good. i hate it when things get out of hand and others have to come in to 'help' solve the problems. i dunno but i just can't stand it. :/ makes me feel as though i have no control and they are the ones who were in charge. people were talking in class. yupps they were wondering too. but i bet no one was as scared as i was then. i was afraid of what theyy would do. i dunno. i really don't know.
thanks to those who helped cheer me up and talk me to my senses todayy. if not for you guys i mayy have been the one being called up as well. i mayy have lost all hope and just started slashing as well. still i can't heal that pain inside..but thanks everyone. especially mave and cat. yupps thanks for being there all this while. thanks for talking to me and knocking some sense into this cell-less brain of mine. don't worry i will never hurt myself. i don't wanna die yet...:)
i walked home alone todayy. sometimes i feel that walking alone helps clear your mind. it gives you the time to think through what happens. i walked and i got even more nervous. i dunno whyy but thinking about the events in school made me feel funny. :/ like there were people out there who were probably having a hard time as i was walking home. like i left a part of me behind. :/
todayy was such a hectic dayy. i thought that it passed too fast- so fast that i would get left behind. hais cheerup kkaes seleena. i know that sometimes some peope mayy say things that really hurt you but you don't have to take things too hard. learn to practice selective hearing- i do that. hais. sometimes its not the people but its just that they might have been in a bad mood. don't blamme them. learn to forgive..'hatred can kill'.
sometimes i just think that our class is so complicated. so many people, so many problems. theyy just come one after another. never letting me have a chance to breathe. something always keeps happening. i know that these events have shown me who i had to learn to treasure, who were real and who were just superficial. i guess it all depends on how you look at the world. at times i feel as though i could kill someone, but then at other times you just want to hugg her. :/ its all part of growing up i guess. i hope that this is just a stage that we will all pass...
so now my soul's in debt
i must regret
i died a little long and lonely death
so tell me how am i supposed to change??
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
io am listening to happy ending now. hais it is damn sad i realise. guess what? i read my horoscope in teenage on sat. hahas i know it sounds stupid but i just wanted to like you know roughly gauge what i would go through this week. anywayy it said that i would make a new fren! :) and guess what? i think i really did. i learnt to feel the presence of those whom i never appreciated. bahhs bell rang-maths next. BYEBYE world!
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
stop bloggin? then where do i go to pour out how i really feel. :/ i dun want to hate anyone but i just cn't help having that feeling sometimes. i don't care. i hate you. I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER ANYMORE. i am so stupid. whyy did i even bother to do the whole damn thing? whyy leave the two of us to fret doing it when theyy didn't do anything. and den again..i really didn't complete the chin stuff. bahhs but that's because the whole proposal was left to me. hais i dun wanna sayy anything anymore. just get over and get it done with . hais i wanna hide...:/
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
just cried againn..ahh. stupid stupid me. whyy should i cryy? its been quite a while. i should just get over it. stupid cheryl. don't cryy anymore. there's no use cryying over what has happened. hais i just don't feel right when i'm alone. i think i need to occupy myself with some stuff. yupps shall go and collate the results for the survey! bahhs if that will help. damn i am running out of tissue in my room. need to stock up on more...:/
what will i see when all my tears are dried??
STOP cryying!
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
io have learnt that there will alwayys be a tomorrow
i have learnt that friends are those whom you never realise were there all along
i realise that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks
as longg as youu are happy//
yupps. had like maths test today. hais dunno how i did larh. think i flunked it. :/ not because the test was difficult..but more because i couldn't concentrate. i hate blades. i think they are disgusting sharp things that can hurt. i want them to all just
goo awayy...
i have learnt to control my emotions. i no longer cryy anymore. i am too tired to bother to even tryy. :/ i trust noone anymore. i don't tell anyone about what shit happens in my life. i keep it all to myself. that's the best wayy to stayy unhurt, i have learnt. i have learnt to wander on my own, i have learnt to only listen to things that won't hurt me. i have learnt to take things in my stride. i realise that its all up to me. you can never change how others want to think of you, but you can help yourself by not bothering too much. 'i DON'T care.' even though it still hurts sometimes, i know that i can't go on like this forever. people learn their mmistakes, people experience pain..its all part of life. without it, we won't be human. there is no point in going to school for me anywayy. the only reason whyy i am going is because i have to, and not because i want to. i rather stayy at home the whole dayy. at least i can feel free from it all...:/
but then again, life is like that. take it or leave it. i choose to take it, cos i know that life is precious. once its gone, it can never return again. i have leanrt to treasure my family alot more. i know that they are the ones who will stayy with me till the very end, they are the ones who are the most important in myy life..but we tend to overlook them. we tend to take our family for granted..not anymore.
bahhs these sadd songs are getting into me. i have been replaying thise westlife cd four times already. the songs- so sweet yet so sour. i love sadd songs, i love songs that tell the story of myy life. i love listening to sadd and depressing songs. i dunno whyy but theyy feel as though they are refering to mee. :/ i tell her that i can cope with the pain inside. yupps thats what i tell everyone anyyway. i tell them that i am going to be all right. fortunately they can't see through me. cos most of the time i am breaking up inside. :( stayy strong..its what we all have to do in the darkest of times. but how many of us can really do it? actions speak louder than words.
i'm really happy for her. happy that she has chosen to treasure what she has and start anew. i hope that she will never have to resort to hurting herselff again. you will never know when the next dayy might be a happy one for YOU*
Jump a little higher<>
together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
if you don't know how pain feels like
it doesn't mean that you have not been hurt
it just means that you have been hurt
too many times..:/
i don't see the whole point. i know that it is none of my business. i don't want to care anymore remember? but what is the whole point of doing things that will just harm yourself? and put you through pain? what is the purpose of inflicting pain on yourself? does it help the pain go awayy from your heart? i don't think so. :/ life is precious-treasure it. there were many times when i thought that i should have just ended my life but when you think about it..it seems that no one will ever know what holds for me tomorrow. you will never know that there might be happy tims for us once again... i don't want to throw awayy that possibility. :/ everyone hurts i realise. but when you are hurting, don't just look at the situation you are in, think of the others who must feel worse than you. there are others out there who need someone to hold on to..you are NOT alone.
still i cannot forget, i cannot escape those memories. i can't stop those tears. i think there will come a time when i will have no more tears to cryy. everytime someone actually shows concern for me, i feel like cryying. because i never knew that there were so many other people out there who actually care. and i use to take them for granted. i realise that even when others turn against you, you will never be alone. mave and i talked today. i think that she's helped me alot. just by listening and telling me her own experience. it helps. Thankyou loads. 1ily. i hope your problems will just flyy awayy too..:) i realise that friends aren't forever. you can trust noone. there may be times when you really want to trust that someone but you just can't bring yourself to. as they sayy- your best fren is alwayys your worst enemy. you never know when she might take the chance to backstabb you. :/ trust noone. i go on living dayy by dayy. feeling that there is no hope in life. i tryy to sleep at night but iu start thinking again. i feel myself sinking...in TOO deep. i love all those who care for me. i love all those who actually are willing to care for me. i appreciate them very much. `loveyaloads. :)
sometimes all it takes is just a smile to set things straight. sometimes a smile is all that is needed to make someone's dayy. but you don't realise that. you don't care anymore so whyy should i? i can't bring myself to look at you...cos whenever i do, the pain springs back again.
if you have been hurt and still not know how to appreciate the ones around you..then you will be HURT againn..
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
i tryy my best to walkk down through that door,
but what i see is darkness
is all lost?
can i ever learn to live again?:/
i got through today. i dunno how i did it. i just did. it seemed just soo horrible. :/ i couldn't stop cryying. i know i'm just being stupid. i look stupid..standing out there in the dark, cryying to myself. :/ i keep singing to myself. tryying to make those tears go awayy..but it doesn't work anymore. thanks to all those people who actually bother to care. who gave me a pat on my back or even acknowledged my slightest presence-though it was not very notiable since i was darn quiet. :/ but yupps..thanks to mavis for cheering me up. i really appreciate your concern. its just that sometimes things just suck. it never does feel right anymore.
Even to those who actually talked to me today. i thank YOU. cos i will never forget that when i was at the downest of times..you were actually there to help relief me. :) thanks izza and hab for talking to me. thanks for being so nice and everything. thanks ame and gnia for responding when i ask you questions. for talking to me as though nothing happened. as though i was never hurt. :/ i appreciate the every gesture that was made to help me feel loved and cared for. thankyou guys very much. but still it doesn't help ease the pain. everywhere i went..i couldn't stop thinking. sometimes people mayy think that they have the worst troubles. but have they ever stopped to realise that there are actully others out there who are suffering more than them? have they? NO. it doesn't really matter anymore. remember? i DON'T wanna care. if it helps me forget everything..then i rather be alone, than to be risked getting hurt by you again..:/
whyy do the ones you love most alwayys leave you behind? whyy is the person you trust most alwayys your worst enemy? :/ whyy do i feel like this every single moment of the dayy>? whyy can't i just get this feeling inside me to go awayy?
someone reach out for me...
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
its easier to sayy that you don't care
when actually you are hurting inside..:/
yupps i think it is true. YOU are right. it is really much easier not to care anymore. but i dun really want it all anymore. i just wanna stayy awayy. so juust stayy awayy...no one will be there to hold me through the night..
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
if you need to fall apart
i can mend your broken heart..
woke up super late today. i have decided not to think about anything from now onwards. tryy to forget it. :/ not easy but..hais. i dun wanna go back to school tomorrow. i see NO point in going back there to see them. noone will be there remember? i keep telling myself not to woory soo much. i just wish that sunday will NEVER end. yupps going swimming afterwards. looks like a damn bloody hot day. nothing to do but slack. tried doing some quadratic graph thingy but couldn't..cos..cos i couldn't think properly. :/ yupps. so den i went for breakfast alone. went to bk and sat down near the window..watching the people walk pass. all sorts of people. people who looked happy, people who looked grouchy and those who looked lost. i must have been stoning there for quite some time. hais. i wonder whether those simles are for real. whether those people out there really have a reason to smile.. i wonder whether they are just putting on a false smile..like i use to everyday. :/ i am CONFUSED. parents woke up damn late. then like after two hours after my breakfast, i had to eat lunch with them. or rather their brunch. hais. my sister is nice. she hugged me this morning when i woke up from bed and kissed me-rubs cheek. at least she really cares.
i don't want to go back there tomorrow. i don't know what else they are going to do. hais just dreading for that time to come...
i dun wanna run awayy, but i can't take it. i don't understand... :X<>
together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
enough is enough i can't take this life i'm livin anymore
enough is enough i just wanna walkk out through that damn door..
i am dead to theis world. whatever. anyone out there can hear me? hais no one. i guess no one wants to care anymore. i can't blame them for that..i have given up on myself. no one understands the REAL me. or no ONE wants to. yupps. i tried to explain myself to her but no ONE will listen. i know you would think that i was given many chances to explain myself..but did you know that you never heard it from my point of view. yeah i dun care. the world never did revolve around me anywayy. all is lost. i don't see the point in tryying to solve and love again. i don't see it. afterall i will just end up being hurt again. and this time it would be MUCH worse. :/ i just wanted someone, anyone to hear me out. NO ONE you realise was there. i tell myself not to care anymore. i just can't see the point. people care..yupps they sayy they do. but i dunno whether how many of them really mean what they sayy. you know some people just sayy those words for the point of trying to be nice..but do they really mean it from the bottom of their hearts? NO. :/ i'm just too tired. even my mummy says so. she thinks that i haven't been as energetic as i used to be. but whats the point. i stayed at home the whole dayy. trying to read something...tryying to fall asleep. even when they all went out for dinner, i stayed home. stayed and ate some disgusting left-overed bread. :/ hais but i just couldn't bring myself concentrate on whatever i was doing. :( i just kept having that feeling inside of me..that feeling that just won't go awayy. i HATE gthat feeling. i HATE it. it makes my tears wanna fall. it makes my heart shatter into a million pieces. i can't live this life anymore.
'i cryy myself to sleep deep in the night...i dream about the things you said to me and cried. :/ i can't take this any longer..i just wanna live a dream. a dream that will never happen... and never will come true..:/'
NIGHTMARES-go awayy//
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
i have nothing to blogg about. i just want to be left alone. i am the BITCH. i suck. i have decided to leave everyone forever. i dun care anymore what happens to me. whether i have anymore friends. whether i am ever loved again. i don't care anymore. it all just fades awayy. i shall still go to school, study and do everything that a normal school girl does. except i will never be happy again.i tried to hold my tears but i ackk myself whyy? whyy did i let them fall? was it because the words stung? i dunno. i kept replaying the scenario. the damn tears kept falling. but it means nothing. i am soo used to this. i am not going to care about anything anymore. about how i feel..its all not worth it. what i will get in the end is hurt. i rather have no friends at all than to get hurt again. i'd rather walkk the corridors of the school alone without anyone, then have to cryy myself to sleep at night. i am not going to bother anymore. they can criticise, bitch for all i care. i don't want to hear anything anymore. i am tired of this. i am too tired to run awayy anymore. i have nothing to hold on to. nothing. everything has floated awayy. there is just no point. :/ you will never know how i feel..cos you will never be able to stand in my shoes and face the situation. i should have gone long ago. whyy did i even bother to care about anyone. it still ends up hurting in the end. i live for nothin..
'whyy do i even bother living, when there is nothing more in life. :/ whyy shall i continue to face the world. when i feel like i am in hell. :/ i don't want to run awayy anymore. this time..its enoughhh:X'
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..
don't cryy out loud
just keep it inside
you'll learn how to hide your feelings
don't cryy out loud
and if you should fall
you'll know that you almost had it all:)
yupps i can only confide in that thought. i use to think that the whole world was against me. that everyone was bitchy. that no one out there cared at all. but now i know. everyone has their own problems and own points of view. you have to look at things from their perspective and you realise that what they did..may turn out to be just what you might have done if you were in her situation. yupps. i don't think you guys are mean or bitchy..its just that you turn your backs on me once. but still after i fall hard..i realised that i have only myself to blame. for everything that has happened. i can only blame myself. yupps i think about it at night. if i were to redo all those mistakes that i did..what would my life be like now? hais. but that was in the past. i have learnt to let go. people mayy seem bitchy and insensitive to you now. it always seems like that especially when thy are aginst you..but hacve you ever thought that what you are doing mayy not seem ver favourable to them? the world is never fair. yupps and you can never really trust anyone. what i need is just someone to confide in...cos i know that i will never be loved again. those hatefull words that sting into my hear5t. time and time again i feel like i am losing everyone. but i will always have my family. YOU have to appreciate yours too..especially if they aren't broken. learn to see those closer to you are the ones you often neglect. everything is FAKE. how do you know the people around you are for real? are you sure that they are showing their real self? you can never be sure. :/ the only people who are real is your family. hais. i have learnt that you can't blame others for doping the things that they did to you. you can't blame others for leaving you and letting you fall..but you know what? you CAN help to break this fall. its whether you want to or not. yupps.
it was nice of you to leave that note in here manda. yupps..like you to know that i don't blame any of you for letting me fall. it hurt at that time but after i thought through it..it seemed like the right thing to do. :/ hais i dunno anymore. i feel that nothing more can be said. it is how much you treasure the people around you that makes them realise how much you care. when you are at your darkest hour..no one will be there to catch your fall except those who are true. and how many of them are..FEW.
bahhs anyway thanks for that note manda. lies don't mean anything to me anymore. i have fallen-and though she's still refuses to let go of the past and still choses to fall..its all up to her. :/
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together foreva ; unfaded and unbroken..